One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
