Me too!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
cat food counts as protein by the way
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
