these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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