If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
