Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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