Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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