and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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