its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
