What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
