Girls should come with a carfax report
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
