I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
