So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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