hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
