no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
