Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
