Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
