Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
