just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
