Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
