Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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