He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
