just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
