so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
