Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize