I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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