Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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