Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
this hospital has no fireball
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
