When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
