I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
