I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
