I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
