She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
