I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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