I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
