Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
