We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
