Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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