It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
