i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He shit in the fireplace
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
