Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
