1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
