South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
