What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
