and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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