I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
