i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
