how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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