my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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