dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
