LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
