and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
