If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
