can u get pink eye on your cock?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
