somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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