All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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