Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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