I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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