Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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