If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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