and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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