If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
