mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
