In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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