Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
