just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
